If God is for us..

Romans 8:31b
If God is for us, who can be against us?

Who?

Really, no one. 

I can hardly believe tomorrow is the last day of 2011 and there's a new year beginning.  When your 16 year old says "where is time going?" you know time is flying.. 

As I think about the months ahead, the accomplishments to be had in 2012, the unknown we'll have to face, the questions that will be answered, the changes that will happen - I have nothing but thankfulness that God is on my side. 

If we trust in Him, have faith in His provision, give Him our days, and follow Him closely, nothing can come our way that He is not big enough to conquer.

If God is for us (and He is!) then we have nothing to fear.  whew..

The end of Christmas for another year

Today was the day we took down all the Christmas decorations in our house.  The mood was a little melancholy around here.  well... a lot.  My mom surprised me by coming over to help - and 2 more hands are always welcome.  My daughter reminded me that we only have 1 more Christmas while our son is still at home and she was dreading this one being over... I was ok with wrapping things up and putting it all in the attic for another 11 months until she said that.  Just the thought of only having one more Christmas of all of us living under the same roof makes me want to crawl up under a blanket and have a good cry.  It doesn't seem possible that this many years are gone.  I know we'll still be together for the holidays.. it will just be different.  And different can be good.  I have to keep telling myself that.

On another note, my mind is racing.  I've been having some "female" health problems.  I had an ultrasound 2 days before Christmas and I am going to a specialist two days from now to get the results and a plan.  I'm nervous.  I think what I'm going through is par for the course of aging.. but I just need to hear it from the expert.  I am so hopeful that he's going to tell me I just need to have a simple procedure done and everything will be back to normal (or the new normal).  But I admit my mind still wanders into the what-if's.  I just don't want the "c" word to be a part of our lives.  So until Thursday morning I wait and I pray. 

It's been a long day.  A productive day.  But mostly a long day. 

kids..

Never a day passes that I am not thankful for these two kids in my house.  They are amazing.  In just two months, they'll be 17 and 15 and the joy the bring to our lives grows every day.  I don't know how God saw fit to send them to our family, but we scored.

They are funny.  kind.  loving.  respectful.  Did I say funny?   I hear them talking and horsing around in the other room.. or I sit on the sofa and they laugh at each other until they fall in the floor and I am laughing on the outside but on the inside I can hardly keep from crying.  They are tears of thankfulness.  I love them so much.

They just finished their first semester of their junior and freshman year and both of them knocked their grades out of the park.  I realized the week of their finals I really hadn't paid much attention to their grades all semester.. I'm sure glad they did.  I'm so proud of their diligence and their personal pride in their work.  I'm thankful they don't struggle in school.  It hasn't always been that way and I am grateful.

They have great friends.  I'm thankful they both have the ability and confidence to choose wisely.  They have fun hobbies and lots of laughter with their friends.  I am so glad they enjoy this part of high school - knowing that they will really make lifetime friends in college. 

I think about what kind of husband that funny, sensitive, caring, practical joker son of mine will be.  And what kind of wife this fashionista, organized, loving, thoughtful daughter will be.  Whoever God is saving them for is so lucky.  I pray they will know. 

They have a desire to know God more and grow deep in His direction and be the kind of people He wants them to be.  I see Him transforming them right before my eyes.  And it is beautiful.

So this Saturday morning, I woke up thankful.  I love them.  I cherish every second I spend with them.  And I will fall at the feet of Jesus some day, overwhelmed with gratitude, that He trusted me enough to let me be their mother.

I'm not near the woman I would have trusted with these treasures - I have a deep responsibility.  Through my eyes.

there's a first time for everything

I'm pretty sure I haven't ever had a day that I stayed in my pajamas all day.. I mean, without being sick.
That is, until today.
Today I woke up about 7am.  I grabbed my Bible and my computer and worked on a little something I'm putting together for 2012 (I'll show you later..)
I painted on another Christmas project I'm working on.. did a couple of loads of laundry.. loaded the dishwasher and got some chicken out of the freezer to thaw for dinner.
I sat in my favorite spot in the house for quite a while (our sectional with both ottomans pushed up in the middle together to make a big square) and surfed pinterest, facebook, twitter, and my favorite  blogs while I flipped the tv channels back and forth from one Christmas movie to another.  I made some peppermint bark (is that stuff not amazing? .. and so easy), read some magazines with my daughter and pretty much vegged out all day.  I did make a wonderful chicken & rice dish tonight I found on pinterest.  It was a hit with my family. 

Tonight we watched The Help.  What a movie.  Isn't it great?

Emma Stone does an outstanding job and I adore her character's courage.
I hate the thought of people being made to feel beneath others because of the color of their skin.  It's pathetic.

I never want to make someone feel inferior.
For any reason at all.

But certainly not for a reason they have no control over.

That's all for me today.  It's been a great day.  There aren't many chances I get to spend the day doing absolutely anything I feel like doing.  I sure hope it happens again before another 40 years passes by.

finding the good

So I'm not so great at blogging.
7 months?
Really?

I'll skip what I've been doing and get right to the point.
Thanksgiving just past and Christmas is in the air.. and I've been sick at home for a few days.  A recipe for too much thinking..

Rewind about 5 years ago to a very hurtful time in our family's life.. I won't bore you with the details - but just say it was a heartbreaking, frustrating time.  We left comfortable to go to unknown and new and in the end we were hurt and betrayed.  I really haven't held a grudge.. but it's a bitter memory.  I'm over it.. or at least I say I am.. until I have to somehow face it.

Something dawned on me last week.  As I was thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for, I began to think about my friends.  I have some good ones.  Dear ones.  As I listed the ones I spend the most time with, the ones I depend on, I realized many of those friendships were born in that place that ended so hurtful.  I think this is it for me.  No more wallowing in my frustration and hurt and regret from those years I've seen as lost.

A memory of time that has only given me hurt and aggravation when I think back will from now on give me a new resolve of thankfulness.

The truth is, I don't know what I'd do without these people in my life.  And without that time in our lives, we might not even know them.

So for me it was worth it.  I will remember the good.  I will think of the excitement of doing something new and I will forever believe it was right.  We walked where we were supposed to walk.  I will not regret.  I will not allow one more bitter thought to occupy my mind.

It's been 5 years and for the first time I have become thankful for that trial.  Finally.
Sometimes it takes me a while.

it's summertime

For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. Zephaniah 3:17

I remember this time last year.  my heart was 'empty' feeling and my mood very down for at least 60 days.  and today I feel it looming.  graduation was this weekend.  when you work at a university that's buzzing all the time and you develop real relationships, there is a deep void when they move on.  it's not even just the feeling of people leaving.. it's the crash after the job is "done".  I actually wouldn't trade this feeling - because I know I have it because of my investment.  but I do NOT want to spend the summer wallowing (no better word for it) in my depression.  I want to enjoy my time off.  accomplish some things at home.  develop an exercise program that works for me.  love my family.  strengthen my marriage.  take care of the things that really matter to me.  

 this morning I got in the car and started running errands.  you know.. to keep myself busy.  that way I don't have to face these eyes that are so eager to let the tears out that they burn.  if I'm in public then I won't cry (I hope) so I'll just stay busy.   

I felt like I could HEAR God saying to me -- go home.  get alone with me.  I have something to tell you.

 So I did.  I came home.  I unloaded my car, unpacked and put away the ridiculous amount of stuff I got at Sam's, and sat down.  and here's what I read:

For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. Zephaniah 3:17

And here's what I heard.

My God is LIVING in my house.  He SEES how I'm feeling.  He KNOWS me.  He UNDERSTANDS me.  He CARES. and He is a MIGHTY SAVIOR.  He is my KEEPER.  He LOVES me.  He wants to PROTECT Me.  He takes DELIGHT in ME.  and here it is.  are you ready for it?

With his love, he will calm all your fears.

Is it true? 
He knows how afraid I am that I am going to be in this funk all summer like I was last year.. and He has a plan?  

Halleluiah!

Today I am thankful for God's word.  For His living, active, speaking word.  I am thankful that it has a message for me.  and I am thankful that I got it.

So this minute I am choosing to be happy.  I am choosing to believe that God is watching and waiting to fulfill whatever it is I need.  I don't even know.  But he does.  

And that makes what I see through my eyes clear even through tears.

well it's been a while..

it's been a few weeks since I last posted.   I've been to London, England then to Paris, France, and then Calgary, Lake Louise and Banff Canada.  I've gotten a few stamps in my passport.  and I've made amazing memories. 

although I'm glad to be home, I've been reflecting on things I've seen and experienced. 

one thing that stands out to me is how different we all are.  in different parts of the world - in different parts of town.. none of us are the same.  and then I am amazed that God loves us all and sees us all as we are - different.  He knows us - He gives us different gifts, wants, hopes, and He meets our needs.  He listens to us individually and takes care of us. 

get on a crowded subway where there are 3 or 4 languages mixed throughout the car and look around you - the different styles of clothing, haircuts, shoes...the shapes of people, their hands, their eyes.   and just in that small space it's astounding.  and then get off the subway and near the entrance to the station, most likely you'll see someone who is homeless - living on whatever they collect throughout the day.

there were a couple of times that I would be looking around - just noticing the differences around me - and this scripture would come to my mind:

"every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.." (romans 14:11)

all of us.  we'll all be on level ground at the cross.

every. 
knee.
will.
bow.
every.
tongue.
will.
confess. 


I'm home now.
and it's Eastertime. 

weren't we just snowed in?   how is spring here already?

I've heard God speaking to me - regularly - in the past few weeks about stepping up my time commitment to Him.  So I'm beginning this Easter.   this is Holy Week.. what better time to begin to honor Him more with my time.  to stay awake in the garden, if you will.

I better be prepared.
and that's what I'm seeing through my eyes.

spring break

bags are packed.
camera is charged.
movies are loaded on the ipad.
we're ready to go.

london and paris.  a spring break dream with my girl.

couldn't be more excited.. unless we had our guys going with us..
I'll miss them.

but we shall make the most of every moment.  taking in the sights.  making memories. 
ones we will never forget.

and I will not have a moment that I am not thankful.
we are blessed.

prepare

I walked into my son's room last night to say goodnight.   he didn't know I was at the door.  so I stood there a second and just watched him.  going back and forth.  from his Bible to his journal.. other books right there for reference.  and my heart sang.  I wanted to jump from the doorway to his bed, landing right beside him with a cheer...letting him know that I was feeling the same outburst of pride at that moment as I do when he makes a double play.   I stood there so thankful that this good-looking, strong, athletic, hilarious, studious, 16 year old living in my house was also seeking to be a man after God's heart. 
no one was watching.
no one was pushing.
he had chosen to go into his room, turn off the tv, the xbox live, and the radio and just get along with God. 
and I am thankful.
thankful because I know there's nothing in this world I can do to deepen his personal relationship with Christ - that's up to him. 
and because I know that there's nothing in this world that will prepare him any better for what life will throw him than deepening his relationship with Christ - and when he's in the middle of life's muck, it's late in the game to begin to get to know Christ.

I know.  I've been there.  and I see him taking daily preparing to walk strong in his faith. 
and it's a good view from my eyes.

get serious.

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. “When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. “When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. “Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” God’s Decree. 
Jeremiah 29:11-13 the message

is this a promise, or what?  God said.. "When you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed."

get serious.

He promised to make sure we're not disappointed.  He knows what He's doing.  He knows what we hope for and He wants to fulfill our heart's desire.  

could it be that's He's just waiting for us to get serious?

 

the least of these

"Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.'" (matthew 25:37-40-msg)

I woke up this morning with this scripture rolling in my mind.  I'd like to think it's because Jesus is reminding me of the people who were "overlooked and ignored" and I noticed.  maybe He's thanking me.  I'd like to think He's giving me props.

but I wonder if He's setting me up today.  you know.. opening my eyes before I get bombarded.  I wonder if He just wanted me to have it fresh on my mind before I go out into a world of 'overlooked and ignored".   today.

I come in contact with them all the time.  sometimes I wish I could put on glasses that flash a little one-liner over every person's head as I look at them.  just a phrase that gives me a clue.

..looking for a friend..

..fighting addiction..

..missing her mom..

..wishing he could die..

that way I'd just know what they're looking for.  I wouldn't have to guess.

if there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't ever guess what someone's going through.  it's impossible to know all of a story just by looking at a person.  I mean, I've met some people who look good.  they put on expensive perfume and lipstick and bat their long eyelashes -- but inside they hate who they are -- and they have deep, deep hurts. 

I'm sometimes amazed at how long a 'cover' can last. 
but then again.. who of us wants our true 'self' to show all the time.  we all have days we are less than our best and we've learned to disguise well.. especially women. 
we are masters.

so for me this morning, I wonder if Christ has come to remind me that sometimes the 'least of these' isn't the suspected culprit.  sometimes it's the one who looks like they're ready for a night on the town.  sometimes it's not obvious.

today I pray I'll be able to see things as they are.
that my eyes will become His eyes.
boy... wouldn't that be nice. 


or would it?

I can't believe it.

my daughter got a new iphone4 for her birthday.
2 weeks ago.

yesterday, she was standing in the bathroom talking and when she turned around it flew out of her hand and into the toilet.

she immediately grabbed it and started shaking it - water flinging out both ends.  she held a hairdryer on all of it's "openings" trying to get as much moisture out as possible.
then she completely submerged it in a glass full of rice.

this morning I went in the kitchen, pulled the phone out, re-booted it and it started buzzing with received text messages.  we charged it and it seems to be completely fine.

I don't know if she's the luckiest girl in the world or the smartest.

probably a combination of the two.

it's just words..

do you think about what you say?
I mean.. before you say it.

I went through a lot of years of my life saying exactly what I think without a thought of who cared.. it was my opinion, it was valid, and besides, I probably knew a little more about what I was talking about than the listener.

and then I met Scott.

this man doesn't say anything before he thinks about it.
and I mean anything.

I remember the first argument we ever had.  after it was over, he sat me down and had a little chat with me.  he didn't say a lot.  only that he believed when the Bible says  we will be held accountable for 'every careless word', It means it. (matthew 12:26 nasb)

as a side note, the niv says "every empty word"

so from that moment on, I have been more careful about my mouth. 
it may be hard for you to believe if you know me.  because I still have a strong opinion, and I often speak it.. but from that day to this, I have been very careful about spouting off.  and certainly careful about telling people off.  I just don't do it.  and if I ever do, the Holy Spirit sits on my shoulder reminding me about it until I go back and take care of it.

lucky for me, I married Scott and I have lived in a household without careless words.
ever.
and I mean ever.
in 17 years, not one time has he said anything derogatory to me, our children, or anyone else.  he always, always thinks before he talks.  he never speaks an 'empty' word.  even in anger.

what an example.

this last Sunday, our lesson was on words.
and this morning I've been re-reading some of the scripture.

proverbs 18:21
'The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences." (tlb)

I'm re-committing my life today to words of praise.
I'm realizing that however high I want my relationships to go, my words have to go there first.  because words sow seeds. 
just like you can't plant a tomato and get a watermelon, you can't reap good relationships from bad words. 


come back to this scripture the next time you remember someone in your past-maybe from years ago-who said something to you that comes back to your mind. 
good or bad. 
be reminded that words don't evaporate.

incidentally, the next verse in proverbs says this, 'the man who finds a wife finds a treasure and he receives favor from the Lord."
if the mouth speaks out of the overflow of the heart, I want my words to be sweet.
I'm pretty sure I'm not a 'treasure' otherwise.

white as snow

Isaiah 1:18 “Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow"

It snowed last night. it's the most beautiful snow I've ever seen. very dry.. it's like crystals all over the ground. I was looking out the window this morning at the back porch. there isn't much snow on the table and chairs - just what blew up there - but it's so beautiful.

immediately, I heard the words to an old hymn in my head. .."now wash me and I will be whiter than snow.."

then I went to the Word. I love how it begins. "let us settle the matter," says the LORD.

the Message says it perfectly, 'enough with your arguing.'
listen to me.
this is how it IS.
it's settled.

it doesn't matter how much I bring up the past or what my opinion is, it's settled.

have you ever dropped something liquid in snow? it immediately ruins the white, flawless look. the liquid even bleeds all around where you drop it and discolors the whole area. and there's no way to get it back to the way it was. once it's disturbed, it's never white again. really white. like it is when it falls from the sky.

now add to that - red. red doesn't play.
paint, icing, fingernail polish, blood, kool-aid, ink, food coloring, even fabric..
red is not a friendly color. it's selfish.
it wants everything around it to be left with its mark.
and scarlet is just worse.. it's dark red.
there's no getting away from it. once you get dark red on you, you can use paint thinner, acetone, bleach.. and you can fade it - but you're not back to normal - it just has to wear off.

"though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow".

only God can do that.

change what is scarlet into white.

so today I am thankful for salvation.

for the way that God, in a way only He can, takes what is ruined and makes it completely new. white. flawless. blameless. crystal clear.

and that, my friend, is amazing. at least through my eyes.

the best kept secret

today is my daughter's birthday. she's 14.

FOURTEEN!

I can't believe how quickly time has gone by.
her favorite place to eat (right now) is 501 cafe' in classen curve and they only serve breakfast on saturdays..so today we went.

they have another location north of here and you can't kick your way through there on saturdays. the one in classen curve just started serving weekend breakfast in november and apparently no one knows. we nearly had the place to ourselves.

check out the menu - I split the Black Bean Quesadillas with my sister in law and it was amazing.

so today, before 10am, I'd already started a great day - a yummy breakfast and a birthday celebration of my favorite girl in the world.

a good man

today I am thankful for the man who calls me his wife.
he's a good man.
I don't deserve him. he's far better to me than I deserve.
I don't know how in the world no one snatched him up .. but they didn't and he found me.
and I am thankful.

there's not a better dad -- a better husband on earth.
and that's how I see things through my eyes.

has it really been 6 months?

so.. I just read my blog.. the one I started in july as a journal. too bad I didn't go ahead and chronicle these last 6 months. it's been quite a journey and it's unfortunate I won't be able to remember each detail.. so I'll just pick up here..


take 2.


first of all, a shout out to my one follower! hi brittany. I just saw that you've checked in here.. not sure how you discovered me, but hello. :)


it's been 6 months and life is different.


I somehow did get out of that funk. I don't know what in the world it was.. other than disappointment in myself that I was getting up day after day and not doing a thing to change the things about myself I didn't like - but I'm out of it.
(thank goodness, since it's been 6 months)

• my kids are now 16 and 14
• my son is driving. the older he gets the more I enjoy him in our house. how we got so lucky I'll never know
• my daughter is growing as a person and as a basketball player - which is her deep goal - and I'm proud of her
• my husbands business is better than ever. (which is amazing in winter.. in this economy)
• I'm learning anew a lesson about God. you canNOT out-give Him
• I've lost 46 pounds
• I'm working on new and improved ways to meet God daily and get to know Him on my own

• I read "parenting teens with love and logic"...my friend melissa told me about it and I bought it in hardcover and audio.. and I now swear by it. it's revolutionized my relationship with my son. when I have an issue or wonder how to handle something, I go to the reference BEFORE we talk and I leave the conversation abundantly thankful I didn't find this book 5 years from now. if you have teenagers, go get it. today. very quickly I realized our problems (as little as they were) were not about him. most of them were about me. I'm learning how to approach parenting differently and quit making his adult problems my problems. I'm learning how to set boundaries for a mature young man (and young lady) and how to allow them to have natural consequences for not keeping their end of the bargain... after all, I can teach them or the world will..right?

• did I mention I've lost 46 pounds?
• I'm working on (finally) adding window treatments to the house I've lived in for 5 years. (I know.. nice..)
• I have actually started an exercise routine.. which is a miracle if you know me.
• I've always been organized..I think from birth.. but I'm simplifying. I'm cleaning out and giving away and keeping our lives as cleared out as possible - we americans can really stack things up
• I've already begun my list of things I'm going to do on my month off this summer.. not going back to that hole I was in last year
• and yesterday we booked a house in the mountains for 16 people.. we're going with friends and family at the first of july and it's going to be a great time. intentionally.

so things are a little different around here.


my perspective of myself is changing.. literally. I honestly had resolved to the fact that I'd never be able to shop in the 'juniors' section again - and I'm there.. not very often - but now it's because I know I'm too old to look like that - not because I can't fit into it --which is much, MUCH different.


maybe I didn't stick with blogging because I didn't want to tell people how depressed I was. it's too bad.. it might have been helpful to see how I daily came out of it..


and did I mention..
I'VE LOST FOURTY SIX POUNDS!!


45 was my goal. I'm going another 15.